Sometimes I feel like I don't belong, or I never belonged. I feel a lot of pain everyday. I try to look past the pain and I try not to let it get me. But in the end - it will always be there - staring right back at my face. I wish I could be completely happy...I only know that happiness when I am with one person -they know me and get me - it feels like home -

I feel like everyone laughs at me - my anxiety is like a monster that takes over - its my worst enemy

it laughs at me, ridiules me - tells me I'll never be good enough to be loved - that is when I cry...I curl up and try to find comfort - I ask - why is it so hard to live this life - why can't evreyone just leave me alone and just let me live - be happy

I hate when  people judge me- I can't help but be sensitive - I have emotions - I am human - I am a drama queen - when I hurt - I translate this into emotion - I get hurt then I need to blog it - this might as well be called the introvert special - I know too much how I feel and when I feel it

Healing

Learning to be me again,

Why is it so difficult, I lost you long ago...or maybe you were never there,

always changing, recreating myself in order to survive,...

why so much suffering?...why so much pain?...when will I just live like everyone else...just enjoy the moment

learn to love - it hurts I know-but that is when you know- you're alive!

Grey Bracelet

Given as a gift,

Dull, uninteresting, ugly...

Cheap...I see no potential,

I put you away in a box...never to be worn until...

.......let me look closer...I will give you a chance...though you do not deserve a second glance

I will try to give you meaning....a name...find a place in my heart... I will ponder over the individual stones

strung along the string.

different colours of blue, grey...even shades of yellow...my eyes have never seen

Do I love you?...am I forcing this admiration?...weaving you into my destiny...does this puzzlepiece fit?

or ...do I belong?...in your little world of peace, freedom and  love which cannot...or does it exist?

loving from a distance...

Books Read During 2011 Summer

A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini

Anger

When a man is infatuated with you
Do not fall prey to his game
When a man tells you he loves you
Think twice, and see that he proves it to you

I am not a trophy
nor an object of one's desire
I am a human being, waiting to be discovered
Get to know me, swim through my veins

Love me, Love me, Love ME

My Sanctuary Away From the City

This is the park I go to alone to get away from living a busy life in the city. I'm a country girl at heart but love the activities, schooling my job in the city. Here I come to reflect, connect with nature and get a bit of exercise by wandering the trails. In the summer, the streams here are perfect for wading in. As a young girl, I used to come to this park to play on the playground. Lots of good memories here. I only take close friends or people who are special to me to this secret hide away.

Creative Cooking

I decided to get creative one night when I was really bored at home. I basically took whatever was left over in my fridge to make a uniqe dish. I cooked up some ground turkey, spinach, feta cheese, Frank's Red Hotsauce, and some onions. It was nummy!

Cross-stitch bookmark

Since I was ill for a couple of months, to pass the time I took up cross-stitch as a hobby. I can now make beautiful creations such as this bookmark. I love the fringed edges and colour of cross stitch. For a backing, I cut a piece of cardboard to size, glued dark blue fabric to the back and then glued this back piece to the bookmark to stiffin the cross-stitch cloth.

Love this psychedelic hat my friend gave me

Enchilladas

One of my other favorite dishes which was made with a group of friends was enchilladas (the authentic kind)! The Mexican man I admire greatly (yes Diego, I mean you) taught me how to make this tantalizing dish by blending our own homemade salsa as well as grilling up some chicken with refired beans, sour cream, a little guac and jalapenos. Muy bien! Buen Provecho!

Ghormeh Sabzi Dish

Cooking is one of my new acquired passions. I enjoy eating meals from different parts of the world.

I learned to make the Iranian dish, Ghormeh Sabzi from my friend Saleh. This blend of flavours is unique and surprising. It is a vegetable stew which is usually served with a side of rice. I fell in love with Ghormeh Sabzi when I first tasted it because of its sour taste due to the addition of slow cooked, whole dried lemons. Other ingredients included are kidney beans, ghormeh vegetable, and a choice of lamb or beef.

Saleh, please correct me if any of the above mentionned info is incorrect

The Life of An Introvert

Recently I have been dealing with an abundant amount of creative energy and I am looking for the right outlet to release my frustration.

I am not able to align my thoughts and write coherently. I will start off with a list of events and issues I have been facing in the past as well as in the present.

1) Break-up and a new found love for an ex
2) Attending therapy sessions for an anxiety disorder
3) New friends and culture shock
4) Family dysfunction
5) On a quest for happiness
6) A need to help others through counselling

Somehow I feel I can use these experiences as well as others to create and help others

Love, Love... Love?

Where do I begin?
I try to push you out of my mind
I try to deny everything inside
What is wrong and right does not apply
I feel alive in your presence - maybe for the first time
Without you I feel lost - like an abandonned child
This is what scares me, yet thrills me at the same time
And this is why I live - to enjoy this rollercoaster ride